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First pitch in and "our lad" Nate Eaton decides to serve up a proper Eaton Mess for the "mighty" Skubal. Honestly, smashing the first delivery into the car park was just bad manners—it made the whole game look so elementary we clearly decided to piss it off and find a decent chippy by the second inning.
We held the lead until the halfway stage, at which point we felt sorry for the colonies and allowed you to hit some rounders without any reply (mostly because our cricket bats are banned).
Once we’d proven the point, it was back to Blighty for tea and crumpets, leaving you to celebrate what was, quite frankly, a "comprehensive and deserved victory" in a sport we stopped playing in primary school.
TALLY HO.
(Disclaimer: Literally none of us speak like this but we do still eat crumpets)